Negative silence

In the practice of meditation we work to find for ourselves a deep inner silence, but there is also negative silence which can happen between couples when each is so aflame with anger that neither can speak. This silence can be deeply wounding. In all relationships we have to learn how to talk things through, quietly, when difficulties or misunderstandings arise, which they will, as two temperaments are likely to clash from time to time. But a brooding, sulking silence will achieve nothing other than more psychological damage. At such times it is necessary to sit down and gently, however painfully, talk through the problem.

If the couple are in the habit of meditating then it may help them both to meditate before talking. In Finland, before each Cabinet meeting, all members have a sauna, the heat from which helps to eliminate aggression and hostilities. As Erich Fromm says, love, like life, is something we have to work at constantly.

One thought on “Negative silence”

  1. Yes. Sulking is a withdrawal, a shutting out, so goes nowhere and, as you say, can be (usually is) experienced as deeply wounding, a loss of relationship connection. There is pain to face in talking things through but this pain can heal and it is still a kind of love, an act of commitment that does not in itself break the thread of relationship. I really like the idea of meditating or being still beforehand, and finding a way for the aggressive temperature to come down before talking.

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